When you Google something to the effect of “single men in missions”, the primary results are as follows:
Helpful articles on the need for single men
One’s that jettison the “men” / “male” portion of your search and just talk about single women
Pastors and leaders talking about all the abundant sin issues preventing single men from participating in ministry
I find no issue with the first two and am actively trying to create more articles like the first one. But the third…
The best versions wrestle with issues in a meaningful, shepherding manner. The worst versions of this post are just blame-casting. They can be summarized as “young men can’t stop jerking off and playing video games to take their faith seriously.” Pornography is a deadly epidemic, more destructive than the latest lab-created virus. It is running rampant through young (and older) men. It needs to be put to death, violently and in totality.
Video game addiction is no joke either. They are designed with great precision to give that little hit of excitement right in time to keep drawing them in an endless loop. Add in a pseudo-sense of community provided by playing with internet friends, why would you need to do anything in the real world?
So if I recognize these issues, what is my problem with these articles? Their diagnosis, after all, is barely different than my own. So, here are my issues and following is my reframing of the problem.
First, it’s the neglect of the responsibility.
Contemplating these articles I am reminded of a video of a woman joking at the youth’s inability to write in cursive and to read a paper map. Many people’s first impulse is to agree in sneering mockery of the younger generation. But then a new realization dawns. It is this woman’s generation who failed to teach kids how to do either of these tasks. And now she laughs at them.
Now given the subject at hand, which is more important, writing curvy letters or battling life-altering temptations?
Many of these articles’ authors are pastors and spiritual leaders within this community of these addicted single men. Yes, the sin of the single men is their own. For their sin, they are culpable before a holy God. But also, it was these leaders who allowed sin to creep into their congregations. The sexed-up wolf of pornography should have been slaughtered at the door of the church, rather than been allowed to lay down amongst the sheep.
I do permit some allowances to parents and pastors for not fully seeing the novel dangers of the internet age. Who could have seen it coming? I grew up when the internet was just becoming a thing. (Yeah, I know. I am old.) My parents and I were woefully unprepared for the ready access to pornography and all types of depravity. I hold no ill will towards them or the other spiritual leaders in my life. Grace should and will always be given.
But now, we have a better understanding of the threats in our midst. Kids and parents need to be equipped with discipline and skills to fight sin. And when sin and addiction arise, we need community and instruction on how to uproot that sin. Just a sermon, a podcast, or an article saying addiction is bad is not enough.
Perhaps their articles provide some solutions, but they don’t end with the goal in mind. The goal is to get single men overseas, to serve among nations powerfully, and to stand in spiritual strength and health.
So leaders, tend to your flock. Raise up Godly men, competent ministers of the Kingdom.
And single men, do not be passive. With the power of the Spirit of God and the grace of Christ, victory and restoration are greatly available to you.
Secondly, these articles fail to recognize and mobilize spiritually healthy young men.
There are some men, who have and continued to wage war with these issues. They live competent, Godly lives. So given the topic of the article, the more interesting and important question is “Why aren’t these men going?” Or better yet, “How can we get these men to go?”
I want to bring these questions to the forefront. Because if we can start to analyze this problem, then maybe we might better mobilize and send single men. While I don’t have the perfect answer, my hope is that might work might be a small step in that direction.
My third issue is no one seems to have a solution.
These articles often end with a whimper. Sin and despair spiral downward. Single men are dragged down into the dark pit, and we, readers, are left standing along the pit’s edge asking how they will get out. What’s the way forward?
This point is not unlike the first. Sin is here. It has captured many of the single men. But the articles’ writers do not give the young men a path leading us out. They fail to lower a ladder into the pit’s darkness.
I’m no extraordinary leader. My humble ministry pales in comparison to that of many of the men who wrote these articles. So I do not wish to just write out of spite and malice. That would be of no benefit. Continuing the previous metaphor, I would just be a belligerent guy at the pit’s edge screaming and preventing anyone from coming close to help.
No, my aim is to let you, single men, know that I am for you. Often today, young men have been maligned and neglected. In my critique and forthcoming solution, I hope to reframe the problem. I hope in writing I may provide the next step toward an eventual solution. So let me reframe.
We need to start with the goal in mind.
The goal is for single men to live thriving spiritual and physical lives, dedicated to serving and loving God. (And going to the nations… Well at least that’s my goal.)
What is the vision and picture of this goal? Is it compelling?
If the vision is strong and grand enough, then there is reason for us to lift our gazes above the tantalizing presence of immediate gratification.
If you haven’t read or listened to the C.S. Lewis sermon, “The Weight of Glory”, put down this scrawling nonsense I’m writing and feast on the glory of one of Lewis’ greatest works. In the sermon, he summarizes my proposal quite neatly and eloquently.
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Why would we want to climb out of our mud puddles of porn and gaming? In a broken way, they are fun and connect with our immediate desires. It is our ignorance of the grandeur of the ocean and our parents’ offer of a beach vacation, that keeps us wallowing in the mud.
Too many men are fighting tiny digital wars and slaying mini pixilated monsters because they are not being given a greater call, a more noble purpose. They choose the dopamine hit from a minor task’s completion because they haven’t learned the satisfaction of completing a great challenge. The warrior and hero within them slog lethargically through life because the great call to adventure is whispered too quietly to be heard.
So wake up!
You are warriors. You are heroes. You must grow in awareness of the grand spiritual war raging outside your door and in your hearts. You need to know there is a ravenous dragon, who needs to be slain. You are going to face the flames and poisonous barbs of the Enemy, so gear up! Put on the full armor of God. Begin killing sin or it will kill you.
When you go overseas, I would urge you to the strongest degree to serve with a team. In preparation for that work, I would call you to do the same. As you wrestle with sin and grow in your faith, surround yourself with other men wanting to do the same. Also, look for wise men who can guide and pour into your life. This may be your dad, someone at church, or at a local ministry. If you share specific problems you are wrestling with or humbly ask how they have built spiritual discipline, x or y, they will gladly come alongside you.
In all of these relationships, seek them out in the real world. Not digitally. God made us both body and spirit, so do not neglect physical presence for the sake of convenience.
In conclusion, I am not here to blame-cast and hurl rhetorical rocks. While sin is very much present, I also believe that its defeat is imminent. I also believe you are worth fighting for, even amid the porn, the video game addiction, and whatever else is seeking to enslave you. I need, the world needs, you. We need single men to step up.
A wretched, horrific beast is prowling through the nations, devouring the weak and downtrodden. There is a dragon to slay and people to be freed. So grab your armor and sharpen your sword.
